My Own Path

For some time now I had been struggling with something. It was something that I felt very strongly about….the path of my faith. I have had high points and low points. Throughout my life I had went from believing to sometimes believing. From Atheism to Christianity. It was as if I was blowing around like a tumbleweed. I didnt know which way to go. For well over a year I had been thinking about Catholicism. Coming from Baptist and Pentecostal churches, I knew that it would be different. Sometimes, being different can be a good thing 🙂

After really searching my heart, I made the decision to convert. Upon revealing this, I was asked a very interesting question. Why? I tried to explain as best as I could. The issue is that sometimes what is in someone’s heart and mind cannot be easily explained. However, I am going to give it one more try. I hope that this makes sense.

I had attended church during my early childhood. After I grew up, left to my own choices, I decided to go down a different path. This path wasnt very good. After the birth of my son….and later my daughter, I maybe went to church about 2 or 3 times. It just didnt stick with me. Maybe it was satan at work with me. Maybe I was needing something different. In 2012, I was saved and baptized. Everything was going great, and then it all fell apart. I decided to try and “go it alone” so-to-speak. I dived into studying the bible. I joined bible study classes online. I even started this website. Although I was learning and seemed to find some peace, I felt that something was missing. Once again, I tried going to church. Once again, I just couldnt keep going. I thought I was being hindered, even demon possessed. I was so confused. I started reading about other denominations. It was at this time that I was feeling drawn in a different direction.

Anybody that really knows me knows that my mom’s side of the family was Catholic and my dad’s side was Protestant. I used Protestant since they attended Pentecostal, Holiness, Church of God etc. As you may know, I was not raised Catholic. At this point, you may be thinking that I converted because of now living near my mother and my uncle who is an Archbishop. Nope! Not even close! THEY didnt even know that I was being drawn in this direction. The way I saw it, and still see it, my relationship with God is my business and is not anyone’s business….not even my mother’s! Now, you may be thinking “Did she even consider the relationship with her husband in this decision?” In an answer to that question….yes I did. I talked about it with Michael. Since he knew about as much about Catholicism as I did first going into this, nobody had an upper hand in the knowledge department. In addition to that, he accepted that he may have to face a firing squad of questions about my conversion. He knew that there would most likely be accusations. I asked him if he was prepared for that. He told me to go into the direction that I felt led. We agreed that we would not interfere with each other’s spiritual path. I support him in whatever churches he attends and will not forbid it. He is supporting me in my continuing spiritual growth in Catholicism. He even attended my Confirmation 🙂

Now that Ive covered that, Im going to elaborate further on what really influenced my decision. After reading about Catholicism, and watching Mass, I realized what was drawing me in this direction. Before I say any of this, I am not trying to criticize anyone by any means. Please do not think that. For me, when I was attending churches before now, looking back, I see where I was getting lost. It was during the praise and worship part of the services. I believe, due to my ADD, the music, dancing, etc was causing me to lose focus. I needed a quieter environment. I needed covered in the word. For those who have no problem in this area (my husband included) God bless you. Keep on keeping on 🙂 I just find Mass calmer and more appealing to me. And just so we are clear, I do not worship Mary. I hold her in a high regard as being the mother of Jesus. There is only one God. There is only one Jesus who died for our sins!

In case you are thinking this was all about me, no it wasnt. I considered the most important aspect of belief….my relationship with God. I had to find the way to get closer to him. By doing that I had to remove distractions. I had to put myself in the position to learn his word with my full intent and focus. Doesnt he deserve that? By learning and growing spiritually I am drawing myself closer to him. By doing this, I believe that he is going to use me in a great and mighty way. You see, I have to get myself on the right path for our Lord. By finding and achieving peace in my mind and soul, I will be removing stumbling blocks on my path to God. Im not just doing this for what I can gain, Im taking what I gain to draw closer to him. As I was told by someone after announcing my conversion, “Its one way to get there.”



Categories: Spiritual

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