When you travel a road long enough, eventually, you can look back at the road behind you. It’s many twists and turns can be seen. The path that led you astray becomes very evident. Life’s ups and downs can stare back at you so hard that it can cripple you. It is at this time that you need to be so careful. You can keep moving forward, or you can get knocked down into a never-ending spiral. This is an account of the road that I have traveled so far. I caution you….this can get a little intense!
The first memory that I have is being in church. It is of the night that I was healed of bilateral club feet. (See blog post titled “In My Beginning” https://jlrd2000.wordpress.com/2013/10/28/in-my-beginning/) I can remember other occasions of being in church as a small child. Even after the death of my father at age 5, my mother still held on to her faith. It was at some point about 5 years later (after my mother had remarried) that the visits to church became less and less until they ceased altogether.
After my mother remarried, I was exposed to a whole new world. I wish I could say that it was all good, but unfortunately it wasn’t. There were things that entered into our home that should have never been there such as drugs, sex, rock music, theft, and selfishness. Not only did I get a step father, but I got a step brother, step sister, cousin, step father’s ex wife, and her new boyfriend. There were 9 of us living in a little three bedroom single-wide trailer. To say that it got intense at times was an understatement. But, this was my life….I had to live it.
In under 3 years, I went from having a home with my mom and brother to having it with 6 additional people. I went from having plenty of food to having to go to someone else’s house to eat. I went from having electricity to only having it 6 months out of the year. I went from hearing gospel music to hearing ACDC blaring from the stereo. I went from having the word sex referred to as “badies” (a word created by my brother) to hearing the “f” word. I went from having no knowledge of the effects of drugs to seeing my step-brother overdosed and acting like he was demon possessed.
After the gang all finally moved out, we moved to North Carolina for a fresh start. I had high hopes for things to return to the normal that I had always known. But, Satan had definitely left his mark. In under 2 years after moving to North Carolina, the worst chapter of my life had began. This was the event that led me down the wrong path of life. It was the event that forever changed my way of thinking…..at least for many years. It was the worst thing that could have happened to a teenage girl. I was raped 😦
Under normal circumstances, an event such as this is devastating. What was worse in my case is that it happened right in my own home by someone that I trusted. True to the common stereotype, I was molested by my step-father. This didn’t happen once, it happened over the course of several years until I finally turned 18 and left home. Due to the fact that he told me that if I told anyone that he would kill my mother, I had no choice but to endure the abuse. During this time is when I could not feel the presence of God with me and felt as if he had forsaken me. I tried any way that I could to numb what was happening. I tried drugs, alcohol, and even attempted suicide.
In the years that followed, I attended church a few times but my heart wasn’t in it anymore. I felt dirty and like I didn’t belong there. I was blowing around like a tumbleweed through life. At age 22, an unexpected event happened that changed my life forever. I started dating Michael who is now my husband. Michael’s mother is a Christian lady who took Michael to church regularly while he was growing up. This “Godly” talk was not exactly what I wanted to hear about at first, but I let them have their say and went on about my business. It wasn’t until after the birth of our son that I could really see any influence of God left in my life. But I still wanted to travel down my dark road in life. What was worse was that I was about to take Michael with me!
At this time, I had gotten into Atheism. I was trying to convince Michael of so-called contradictions in the bible. I was also encouraging him in deviant behavior. Without elaborating, lets just say that these things could have destroyed our marriage…and almost did! Right before the biggest mistake that I could have ever made, God intervened (See the post titled “My Testimony” https://jlrd2000.wordpress.com/2013/11/08/my-testimony/. After that night, my life as an Atheist was over. Although I have slipped and fell a few times, I keep getting back up and moving forward for the Lord. That is the reason that I started this blog. I know that there are others out there with life-stories like mine and probably worse. It is to those people that I want to send words of comfort and encouragement and to let them know that God has never left them. My journey is far from over, and I know that the best is yet to come.
THANK YOU FOR READING 🙂