For the past few years, I have had an Atheistic view of religion. It really makes no sense seeing as how I am WALKING proof that God exists. On 6-9-2012, I accepted an invitation by Mikey’s girlfriend’s daddy (who is the pastor) to come to church. So me, Michael, and the kids walked down. I had no idea what was waiting for me inside those walls. I was just going to meet Janice’s parents and to take pics of Layla’s dedication. In I walked with my camera. Lets just say that I didn’t walk out the same!
At first, it was the typical service. There was singing, preaching, and dancing in the spirit. Then it came time for the prayer line. Mary asked me, Michael, and Crystal to come up and get prayed for. Crystal got up and turned around and told us, “Lets just go on up there and make mom happy.” Then she walked up. When Mary noticed that me and Michael didn’t follow Crystal, she came back and asked us to come back up there again. I don’t know what Michael said to her because he was sitting in front of me. I told her “no.” So, she just walked back up front. Around that time, Michael’s cousin Rob began playing his guitar and singing. Here is where things get pretty interesting….
I had expected Crystal to come straight back, but after about 5 minutes or so she was still up there! The voices of those praying for her were getting more intense. My nerves began to start jerking in my entire body. I started feeling “spooked” I guess you could say. I thought I just needed some air. I got up to walk out the door. Before I could make it around the pew, Rob started playing a very old song. It was one I had heard many times before when I was very young. I looked at Michael and said, “gotta go.” Out the door I went. Yes…I was running (figuratively speaking). When I got outside, I could still hear everything that was going on. The church windows were open. All of the sudden, I heard Crystal hollering in a very strange way. Out of curiosity, I walked back inside. What a sight! Santina was laying in the floor, Jacob was hopping from one foot to the other and spun around and almost fell over a pew, and Crystal was laying in the floor with one hand in the air and crying. I just sat back down and stared at them. That is the stuff I always thought was funny when I went to church as a kid. I thought everybody was just playing and acting silly. Well….it looks like the joke was on me!
The jerking of my nerves got worse. Rob had stopped playing his guitar and got prayed for. I was about to get up and go back out the door again when Rob went back and grabbed his guitar and started playing again. It was a very familiar song to me. I felt it coming on. I was stopped right where I sat. Just then, Michael turned around and said, “You remember this one….dont ya!” I just lost it. I began crying and couldn’t stop. It was really weird. Crying is not some I usually do in front of people. After a few minutes, Manuel came over and sat down in front of me and said, “are you ok?” I said “yeah…Im ok.” He said, “you don’t look ok.” At that time, the pastor came over to me, reached out his hand, and then said, “come on up here and let us pray for you.” I looked up through my teary eyes and said, “we might be here for a while.” He said, “that’s ok. We are not going anywhere.” I took his hand and went to the front of the church. I saw him put some oil on his fingertips and then my eyes went shut. This is what happened…..
I could hear people’s voices all around me. The pastor was in front of me, his wife was to my right, Mary was behind me, and someone was to my left. The more they prayed, the harder I cried. I could hear the stressed cries from my own mouth. A pain hit my upper stomach, my chest, and then I felt like I was gonna puke. A series of events started flashing through my mind….and in the order that they happened. My dad’s death, the abuse I endured years ago, the relationship with my ex boyfriend, Michael and I having marital problems, and then my kids. When this happened, I started screaming. (Use the scene in Breaking Dawn Pt 1 after Bella has the baby and the venom is spreading but she is paralyzed from the morphine as a reference for the type of screaming that I was doing.) Yes…I was screaming but nothing was coming out of my mouth. It was coming from inside of me but I could hear it with my ears! I still couldn’t open my eyes. I was rocking back and forth from my toes to my heels. After some time, I didn’t hear myself cry anymore. I felt my eyes roll back into my head and then I fell backwards and was placed gently onto the floor.
I layed there for a while. I could hear the voices of everyone around me. I still couldn’t open my eyes. I then noticed that I couldn’t move my legs. I just tried to lay real still. I could feel light tears fall down my cheeks. I began to move my head from side to side. I finally opened my eyes. I saw the lights on the ceiling and Michael and Mary standing over me. I told them that I hadn’t been this confused since I woke up after having Kayla….lol. Then I looked at Mary and told her that I couldn’t move. She told me to just lay there and that something was being done. So, I layed there a little bit longer. When I finally got up, Michael grabbed my hands and Mikey grabbed my waist and they lifted me up. When I was back on my feet, I felt so tired that I felt like I had worked a 12 hr shift at a fast food resturaunt during a comminuity event.
After a few mintutes, I started to feel normal again…but something had changed. We finished the service and walked home around 10. I wasn’t here 10 minutes when I called mom and told her what had happened to me. She said, “its way past time for that to happen to you.” She said that she knew exactly what I was talking about. She also noticed during our conversation, I didn’t even cuss once! That has gotta be a record for me. I have slipped 3 times in the past week with just the “s” word. Not too bad if I do say so myself. Especially in comparison with the “toilet” that had been my mouth for years.
- God does exist
- He can work through people
- The stuff that I always thought was just a bunch of prentending…..is real
- Miracles can be performed
- There has been something dark and evil inside of me
- A person can walk into a church as an Atheist and walk out as a believer.
I know that the road ahead of me is a long one. I have a lot to overcome. But, I believe that this has been an amazing start.
THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!